Giving up

My last post was about my ex back in march.  I havent thought about her since.  I spoke to her today and i might as well just be back where i was all the way at the beginning.  Whats the point.  I feel like giving up.  But i wont.  And that is the real shame of it.

Messed Up

I am really screwed up in the head.  I have concerns regarding things that I have heard that my ex-wife may be in an abusive relationship.  The screwed up part is that I feel guilty about it even though the situation doesnt even involve me.

I need to talkit out to undetstamd it, but I as m too tired right now.  I eill try later.

Regrets

I have done quite a few things in my life that I am not exactly proud of, but nothing that I regret.

I do however regret quite a few actions that I did not take, and wish that I had.

Tired and ready to give up

The day started out well, but I am in a foul mood tonight.  I am sure tomorrow will be better.

On a positive note, I decided to start the DG fund today.

DG --> Dyslexic Golf --> GFOOL --> Get the Fuck out of Lancaster

Sometimes I crack myself up.  But mostly I am just a nerd.

Not Me

I am fucking tired of being blamed for shit that other people do.

I am a man, but that does not mean that I think with my cock.

I am a Steeler's fan, but that does not mean that I am an asshole.



Don't judge me by your experiences with other people. I am me. I am a wholy different breed.


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I thought that I had a thought here but it is clearly incomplete.

I will try again later.

The Measure of a Man

How do you take the measure of a man?

Do you look to the friends that he chooses, or who choose him?

Do you look to the actions and decisions that he makes?

Do you look to the accomplishments of his life?

Do you look to the things he does right, because he feels that he must do the right thing?

Do you look to the things he does wrong, because he has made a mistake?

No.

A truly good man does right, not because he thinks its right, and not for selfish gains, but simply because he can do no other.

A bit of dark poetry

I have dreamed of things that I would not do.

Are they Dreams, or memories in the form of denial?

Am I the good man who has been hurt?
Am I the evil man, hiding his true nature?

Can these two co-exist, or will there be a FIGHT?

If these is a battle, what chance does a GOOD man have,
fighting against EVIL in this world?

My Blog

Up until now this blog has not been published. It has been a private entry for me to record my thoughts. I have considered making it public, maybe even advertising it. The reason for this is that I have started writing again. I used to write on a daily basis. Largely things that made no sense to anyone but me. I have supressed this, because I was too busy living my life. But now that I have begun again, I find that I cannot or do not want to stop (or are these the same thing?). I believe that some feedback may help me to figure out what is noise in my head, and what actually makes sense.

The only dilemma I have is that a lot of what I have posted here is very personal, and may hurt some of the people that read it. But truly the only people that will make sense of any of it are the people that know me and have lived through it with me. The rest will probably see it as pointless whining gibberish.

But as always when my mind is crossed about a subject, I will put it off until another day, and allow my subconscious to chew on it.

I am back baby!

Problem with net connection for a few days, but I am back online. It is awesome to be able to access what I have been cut off from, but kind of sad how dependant I am.

On another note, tonight was a good night. Got a lot done. Feeling positive. Loving life. Frank is gone. hehe

30

Turning 30 in a few weeks, and I am absoltely sure that I have no idea what I am supposed to be doing with my life. But I still have faith that something will show me the way, now that my eyes are open again.

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