The week has drastically improved.

I finally got my internet problems sorted out. Was a simple connection problem, replaced the Cat5 cable that comcast sent with a new one and everything is working great now.

I also finished unpacking, got caught up on my schoolwork and balanced my checking account. This honestly makes me feel really good as the mess was getting to me. I also am usually very strict about staying up on school and staying ahead of my finances, so letting things go was putting me in a miserable mood.

It seems all I needed was a couple of distraction free hours and all is right in the world. I think that I should start setting aside a few hours a week just to dot the I's and cross the T's.

I also made plans to go and have Yuengs and Wings with Tammy and made plans with Robert for Monday. Another thing that I have been putting off because I have been procrastinating. Robert and I have been getting together every Monday afternoon for about a month to work on projects that we need another set of hands for. It has been great to be able to get some things done, but mostly it has just been awesome to spend some time with family, something that I have been missing for the last few years.

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On a more serious note, I have noticed a positive change in myself. My entire life I have had problems with self-confidence. I have always undervalued myself and it has lead to me undermine a lot of good situations. Two things have happened in the last few weeks that have made me realize that, while this might still be an occasional issue, it is definitely improving.

First off I have been taking a very active role in my group projects for school. In the past I have always lead someone else take point and just put in input in my area of expertise, but as I am nearing the end of my degree I am realizing that in many situations I am the expert, and I am happy to find out that unlike some leaders I am really excited when group members share input. There is nothing quite as exciting as when a group of people who all bring different things to the table sit down to create something, and the sum is greater than the parts.

Secondly, I have been finding myself talking to people more easily. I have always been intimidated by new people. I think that everyone has a little bit of unease talking to people of the opposite sex, but I have also had problems just talking to anyone. As I have started a new job, started hanging out with old friends, and started making new ones, I have found that this is much easier for me. I have even been able to have conversations with random strangers and found them to be quite interesting.

I think the biggest thing that has lead to this change is that I have been taking the time to evaluate my position on things. I know this sounds really silly, and kind of obvious, but I have spent most of my life defining myself by the people that I am around. It all boils down to self confidence as I have never really been happy with myself, and therefore afraid that other people, if they really got to know me, would not like me either.

But the more I meet new people, and start to make friends, the more I realize that I am a stand up kind of guy. I am really proud of the fact that, while my opinions may be a little out there, I stand by them.

And most importantly I think that I have the trait that I have always found most important in friends. If someone needs help, whether I know them or not, whether I like them or not, I will help if I can. I tend to put other people first, and I think this is a very good trait to have.