I have not been very honest with my self. I have been telling myself that I am alright. That everything is ok. That my life is going exactly how I planned.
The truth is that I am still in pain. I have not been dealing with that pain. I have been spending all my time trying to find things that numb that pain. I have been succeeding, but only for a short period of time. I need to accept that this pain is real, I need to better understand it, and I need to embrace it before I can really even begin the work of fixing it.
In the short term, that means that I need to stop wallowing in self pity. I need to get things done. I need to set the things in my life that I have no control over back into motion, and deal with the pain as it comes.
It sounds really stupid, but the first thing I will need to do is make a todo list. I know myself well enough to know that if I don't do this, I will lose track and be back here tomorrow morning after having gotten absoslutely nothing accomplished.
I have to go to work now, but I am going to start working on that list tonight during my few moments of downtime, and I WILL finish it when I get home. And then I can start getting things done and move forward with my life.
1 comment:
I read back to these posts and it is as though someone else was typing. How strangely different you can feel in just a few short months.
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